Are You Connecting or Bonding?

I had a breakfast meeting this morning with a man I met over the internet. Sounds creepy doesn't it? My wife raised her eyebrows when I told her. My son and brother made funny innuendos about it...my brother suggesting I not tell our mother. But what I have taken from our breakfast this morning, is the very best of what the internet has to offer, and what an invaluable experience it is to have a friendly discussion over coffee between two new friends.

Mike and I first met through Twitter. I liked his Tweets, and his Re-Tweets, and some of the folks he was following. On his website, and blog, I discovered a mutual interest in Faith-based Leadership principles and styles. You can find him on his blog. From there you can check out his website, Lead Change Now. I remember finding his blog entry: "Why I'm Not Following You on Twitter" a great read. If you are losing followers on Twitter, I suggest you check this out.

A while back, Mike had mentioned to me via email, that he had once lived in the Memphis area, and still had family here. And then last week, he sent me an email telling me he would be here this week visiting family, and he wanted to know if I'd like to get together for breakfast or coffee some morning. So, that's how our breakfast this morning came together.

It was a great hour or so of swapping stories, sharing faith, and finding out our many, uncanny similarities. We discovered we both are the eldest of three sons, have worked with family in business, love playing golf with dad and brothers, and moved around the country quite a bit as we were growing up, among other things. These stories and experiences have created a new bond with us, that I hope will continue even though he lives several hundred miles away. In that one hour conversation we learned more about each other than the months of connecting on Twitter, Linkedin, and blogs. Even though those technologies created the connection, the bond was made by face to face conversation over coffee and pancakes. Hopefully we can continue to connect through the internet...but I look forward to adding to our bond, the next time we can meet.

As always, I'd like to hear from you; what does the internet do for your relationship building? Do you have bonds or connections? Leave a comment, or send me an email at nfinity22@gmail.com.

Happy Father's Day-Thanks Dad

It was the middle of winter in Chicago and the evening news reported that a foot or more of snow would be falling over night. So, what did my father do? He set the alarm clock an extra hour early- 4:30 am instead of 5:30 am - so he could get up to shovel snow away from the garage door to get the car out, so he could make it to the train station on time so he wouldn't be late for work. He and my mother were married on Labor Day, a day off, in 1957 because he didn't want to miss work. Their honeymoon was a trip from the small Iowa town they were married in, to Chicago, where he was expected to report to work the next day. This man, my dad, loved work. But with this same nearly insane drive, he loved people; especially his family.

He's been gone nearly nine years now, after a valiant battle with cancer, but our memories keep him alive and well in our hearts. I remember the time he tried to make a skating rink in our back yard during a late winter in Iowa. He carefully built a wooden frame and then put down a thick black plastic secured to the frame. At evening's end he put the garden hose into the structure, and left the water running, by accident I think, through the night. The next morning we went out side to see our skating masterpiece only to see the neighbors next door out as well; somehow the water had broken through the plastic and run down the hill leaving 6 inches of water in the neighbors newly remodeled basement. Fortunately Mr. Martin was an insurance agent and was fully covered.

I remember a lot of golf with my brothers and my dad. He didn't have a guys group he played with, he preferred playing with his boys. I remember working together for many years, in a family business. I remember holidays, and weekly Saturday night meals of steak and potato, scotch, and conversation. Mostly he listened to his sons ramble on about politics, sports and what he called our "impressions of the day." I can see him now just sitting back in a big easy chair on those nights taking in the conversation and laughter. And always asking at some point in the evening about the gas grill: "Did you turn the grill off?"

I remember him never missing a Sunday or Holy Day Mass. I remember him taking us to church to say a Rosary and to light some candles. As a kid I dreaded going for the Rosary, but I always felt better-more peaceful after wards. I remember the time when I was 5 or 6, just he and I went to an early 6:00 o'clock Sunday Mass. There was hardly anyone in the church, and no altar servers. He knew the priest, (he always knew the priest in every parish we lived in), and he went up to serve. I thought at the time how neat that was, that my dad was up there helping out the priest. Later when I got the chance to be an altar boy, I jumped at the chance...to be like my dad.

At his funeral, the church was overflowing. Some people even had to gather in the family life center next to the church. This was for a guy who never held any public office or was part of any kind of mass organization. He just touched people deeply and intimately, one soul, one kind gesture at a time. One gentleman came up to me at the funeral and told me that my dad had for several years sent him a card every year, on the anniversary of the founding of the Marine Corp. Both he and my dad were Marines, not having served together, but just sharing that mutual bond. I had never heard of that from my dad. Who knew of all the other little selfless acts he did for others, just like that annual anniversary card? But that was how he lived his life: reaching out, in joy, in love, in small ways to let people know how special they were. That was his gift to others, his vocation. That was his gift to us too, his family. Through his smiling Irish Eyes, he made us and those who knew him, feel like Kings and Queens.

Thanks dad for those memories, and thanks for the path you mapped out for us. I hope to follow you, like that little altar boy in the making those many years ago. And I hope those of you who read this will consider reaching out and making someone feel special, a King or a Queen today, in memory of my dad...my hero.

Jesus as a Networker - Patience

If you have been involved in a business that relies on networking, and really what business doesn't use connecting with individuals through friends and relationships to foster sales and/or services, then you know there are times when you have to have great patience. Patience is rooted in that other oh so challenging virtue: humility. Without humility, patience is nearly impossible to endure. Here's a test, picture yourself in one of these scenario's: a fisherman (or fisher-person) on the sandy banks of a large lake, under the shade of a tall oak on a warm summer's morning, sitting in a comfy lawn chair, watching the bobber lazily float with the gentle waves? Or do you see yourself out in the choppy waters of the Gulf of Mexico, frantically reeling in a prized blue marlin for hours at a time, while the boat heaves up and down, muscles straining while the salty Gulf waters spray in your jubilant red-sunburned sweating face? If you consider yourself the salty Seafaring adventurer this message is most likely for you.

It's a good thing Jesus was such a humble person, because the people around him were constantly testing his patience. How many times do we read about Jesus teaching his followers day in and day out about his message of love, and forgiveness? And yet, people didn't always "get it." Sometimes we don't "get it" today either, but gee whiz, these people were sitting there right in front of him. How much more plain could that be? I think the thing that tested his patience the most though were the 12 Apostles he had personally chosen, and some of the Apostle's family members. I guess mothers just want the best for their kids. But I'm sure James and John wished their mom would tone it down a bit in the seating arrangement department.

There seemed to be special difficulty in getting on message from the key 3 to 5 guys who became the early leaders of the Church. To think that they were listening to these teachings day after day, week after week, from the greatest Rabbi of their time, and yet they clearly had times when they just weren't "getting it." Jesus, in moments of weakness, at the end of long days of preaching would say to them in exasperation on various occasions: "how long have you been following me? how many times have you heard this stuff? If you aren't getting this, how do you expect the other people to understand? How are you going to explain this after I'm gone? I wonder if I have time to find another 12?" He actually never said the last thing, but I bet he thought it a few times.

For me, to take my time with a plan or project usually is not a problem. I read in Og Mandino's "The Greatest Secret in The World," from the scroll marked III "The prizes of life are at the end of each journey, not near the beginning; and it is not given to me to know how many steps are necessary in order to reach my goal." I was also blessed with parents who taught, and more importantly, showed me that hard work, with patience will provide the rewards of life.

However, I am human and my patience are tested daily by rude drivers, a sometimes glacier-speed computer, prospects who won't commit to my program, weight loss, books I want to read but can't get to, patches where my lawn won't grow...all kinds of things test my patience. The key for me is to step back, breathe deeply and try to remember that God is with me. He's not going to make the rude driver more courteous, my computer lightening fast, or that darn bare spot green up. But he is with me through all this, and going through anything difficult or unpleasant, is always better when going through it with a friend.

So I suggest that you evaluate your product, program or service. If it seems sound and still holds the qualities that first attracted you to it, then take some time to check your humility. Give it the same evaluation process and if it also seems to be in balance with your life, then emotionally, and spiritually, take yourself from the choppy waves of the outer Gulf, and settle onto a cool lake bank and keep an eye on the bobber. The fish are most certainly there. And being there with the Fisher of Men, will make the catch that much more abundant and fruitful.

So, what do you think? How do you handle patience? How does patience, fit into your business or life plan? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the ways patience play a part in your life. Please leave a comment, or send me an email at nfinity22@gmail.com.

The Greatest Networker in the World

I have often wondered why Jesus was born, raised, and ministered in such a small remote corner of the world; and more curiously, at a time when communications were extremely limited. If his message was of such vital importance, why did he not live in a more central location such as Rome of his time, or a New York of our time? Other than his birth narrative, the details of his childhood up to the beginning of his adult ministry are quite sketchy. We know he spent some of this time in exile in Egypt, obviously under cover. His home of Nazareth was such a backwater, no-place, no-traffic-lights, one donkey, kind of town, one of his early close followers said of the place: “can anything good come out of Nazareth?” What an insult. Apparently the Nazareth Chamber of Commerce had its work cut out for it.

Virtually no one at that time was literate, except for the religious authorities. Mass communication, was simply word of mouth. With such an important story to tell, these things make me wonder why Jesus wouldn’t have made his debut closer to our own time, especially with all of the wonderful communication mediums we have at our disposal. Wouldn’t it be more efficient to spreading his message, to see the healings, and the miracles, live with Geraldo, Anderson Cooper or as a special guest on Oprah? And then, wouldn’t those events reach an even larger mass audience once they’ve been You Tube’d , Facebook’d, and Twittered into the cyber-sphere? Who wouldn’t become a follower if we saw these things right before our eyes? Who wouldn’t’ be sold on the mission? Doesn’t it seem like it would be a slam dunk to close the deal through this method? So, why did he do it, the way he did?

Well, I’m quite sure I don’t know, and may never know the reason for Jesus choosing to bring his message into the world, where he did, and when he did. But, maybe there are some lessons we can take from his approach to sharing his message.

Jesus mission started with close personal relationships.

In a very remote, dusty part of the expansive Roman Empire, Jesus shared his story with locals and his kinsmen. We know there was something very attractive about him, and many of those who were fortunate to see him in person, were drawn to him through his warmth and personality. Of the hundreds and thousands of folks he spoke to however, only 12 were chosen to become his most intimate friends and compatriots. Imagine that: with a mission as important as changing the world, he chose only 12 fairly common and regular guys to be part of his inner circle. It was not necessarily an exclusive club, like a secret society or closed door country club organization; but for some reason he felt like these 12 were sufficient to be the core team. He worked extra hard with these guys to fully prepare them to share and continue his mission and good works. In one instance he told them he was the vine, and they were the branches. They were all of the same plant, and eventually they were to go out and create their own branches…all the while, the entire organization, continued to feed from the same original vine.

In my business there are many times when I wish I could send out a mass email or put up a website, or post something on one of the many social media outlets to have contacts sign up left and right onto my program. But year after year I have not found this approach to be very effective. The kind of business program I offer is just an old fashioned handshake, pat on the back, “how are the kids’s doing?” kind of business. It takes time, and energy to create the personal relationships needed to go into business together. This may be Cyber-space heresy, but in some business models, to get your message out there most effectively, you’ve got to do it through the building of meaningful relationships. And in the same way, you’ve got to train those in your inner circle to go out and create their own branches through slowly building realtionships. As Jordan Adler, one of the top producers in our company, and one of the most successful business entrepreneurs I know is fond of saying: “The short way is the long way, and the long way is the short way.” …Which is to say, there are no shortcuts to building our business.

Maybe your business is that way too. If your business does not lend itself well to the mass communications era we live in, and there are many...at least we have a model to help us to continue to grow and prosper our businesses. From the one vine, we can continue to branch out, and help change the world, in our own sometimes dusty, one-mule-town, corners of the world. But, I am also reminded that in doing business this way, I have created long term lasting friendships that I otherwise would not be able to do through mass internet marketing. This blesses me with business opportunities, but also with a network of great life giving friendships.

I have four more thoughts on how Jesus was the Greatest Net-worker in the World. These will follow here in coming days.