I Get by With a Little Help From My Friends

I’ve been reading this week, John Ortberg's book, “Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them.” Honestly, I bought the book a few years ago, simply because I loved the title so much when I first saw it at the bookstore. And then a few weeks ago while my wife was doing some spring cleaning it reappeared. It was in a stack of books destined for our local library for donatation, but I rescued it to my library. I picked it up again over the Memorial Day weekend. I had forgotten what a good read it was.

One of the parts I really enjoy is the story of the “Fellowship of the Mat.” In Mark’s Gospel there is the story of a paralyzed man who is brought by his friends to Jesus. “They came bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. Unable to get near Jesus because of the crowd, they opened up the roof above him. After they had broken through, they let down the mat on which the paralytic was lying.” –Mark 2:3-4

Can you imagine this scene, as Ortberg points out in his book? Jesus is teaching in someone’s house, and it is filled wall to wall and even overflowing to the street outside. The friends of the paralytic man have come on a mission to get their friend in front of Jesus; at first it seems impossible. But, one of them has the audacious idea of going up onto the roof, tearing a hole in the ceiling and lowering the man on his mat into the house in front of Jesus. These were some very determined friends! What is it that creates friendships like this? Maybe part of the answer is because the paralyzed man let them: He let them carry and care for him.

Ortberg writes: “It is a very vulnerable thing to have someone carry your mat. When somebody’s carrying your mat, they see you in your weakness. They might hurt you if they drop you.

There is this gift between these friends: trusting vulnerability and dependable faithfulness. This mat, which according to society should have created a great gulf between him and them, instead became an opportunity for servanthood and acceptance. This group becomes the Fellowship of the Mat. Wherever human beings love and accept and serve each other in the face of weakness and need, there is the Fellowship of the Mat.”

I was reminded by this story of friends helping friends of a time some years ago when we first moved into our present home. Shortly after we had moved in my wife had been admitted to the hospital for treatment of an MS flare up. We were new the neighborhood, but had lived in the same town for about 10 years. It was late summer and being at the hospital and doing work had kept me from getting to the yard work for a week or so. The lawn was getting kind of shaggy, but I just did not have the time to get to it.

One late evening during this time, I was stopping by the house to check the mail and pick up a few things before heading back to the hospital. I turned the corner and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. In the fading light of dusk, a lady in a black business suit and high heels was sweeping my sidewalk. And a man was finishing up mowing my lawn. I soon recognized the two people as our best friends, Jon and Denise. A new neighbor of mine told me a few days later that he thought I had some kind of weird, role playing lawn service. They had done such a great job though, he wondered if I could give him their contact info. I told him he probably couldn’t afford them because they were part of a priceless friendship.

However I still recognize one of the obstacles to this great and rich relationship builder for me and maybe many of us is a lack of humility. Isn’t it tough to let others, do for you? I know it is a constant challenge for me. I want to be the caretaker, the fixer. I want to be the consoler. I want to be the brilliant friend who came up with the idea of carrying the paralyzed man onto the roof top. I don’t want to be the one helpless, stranded and in need of help. I don’t want to break the cardinal rule of friendship, according to Seinfeld: “Can you take me to the airport?” And yet I am. I am in constant need of assistance. I am in constant need of prayer. I am just too proud to reveal this; too proud to ask for it, at least as often as I should.

As I continue on my life’s journey, I will try to remember that friendship is two-way relationship built on a mutual need of support and service. It is just as important to let others do for you as you do for them. And I will try to remember the verses from “The Servant Song”

“Let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too"

Peace to you and all your friends.

What Do You Think About, on Your Birthday?

I have a birthday coming up in a few days. It's not one of those milestone birthdays. I had the big Five-O, last year, so this is just another passing year. No fanfare, black candles on the cake, tombstone yard signs, or biting humorous cards...well, my sister-in-law will probably still send one of those, since I am the oldest of this current generation of my family, in-laws included. I am forging ahead, where no man (or woman) has gone before, at least in terms of days on the planet. And she loves to remind me of this.

As this date gets closer, my attention has been focused on the life questions. I was wondering, why do I annually focus on the life questions, at this point in my life: at birthdays?

I attended a luncheon seminar on Tuesday of this week; Chris Crouch, president of DME Training and Consulting told about a famous executive, who had attained tremendous success as defined by our culture, who went to the Dr. to see about what seemed like a minor issue. Over the course of a few days...I'm sure you are ahead of me on this story...it was discovered that he had 3 inoperable brain tumors; the prognosis for this type of condition was not good. It was actually, the worst case scenario: 3 to 6 months to live. In fact he did pass away within that time period. But during his remaining time, he altered his life dramatically, and thus died a peaceful and satisfying death. It was such at least in terms of what he had left to work with, the 4 months; and apparently much more so, than if his life had been taken quickly by an accident or massive stroke or heart attack.

Later that same evening of the lunch, I was discussing with a friend of mine who had been at the lunch as well, how we viewed this story. He told me he had a few regrets over the past years, some things he would have done differently. I agreed with him. There were certainly some things we both would have liked to have done differently over the course of our lives. But then I asked about the now What would we do differently about the now; and the going on from here part. We both thought about it, discussed it and I think we came to the same conclusion: not much, not much differently. Of course an unexpected financial windfall would alter the plans to some effect. We agreed we would like to travel with loved ones to see places we wanted to visit; a veritable "Bucket List" of things if you will. And we agreed it would be nice to be able to be financially generous, again with our loved ones to provide for them beyond our current means, now and after we are gone, in excess of the life insurances, investments, etc. already in place. But the likelihood of the wealth thing does not seem to be on the immediate horizon, so we went back to the more realistic: going on from here thought.

I would like to think, that if given the news that I had but a short time left on this earth, I would pray more, love more, give more. But, I would not have to reinvent myself to do these things. They are already part of the fabric of my daily life. I might want to ramp it up a bit, just to let those in my life know how much I truly care for them; but it would not be the complete turning my life around kind of experience that many people may contend with when faced with their imminent demise.

And so, as I head into the second 1/2 century of my life, and I ponder my own perennial big question, this time reminds to do the important things, more deeply and more often. I am so grateful to my parents, my wife and family, good friends, and my God, for the gift of showing me a path to walk along; a path that gives me a life of peace and joy. As I think back to, "Why do I consider these things as my birthday approaches," I believe this time to pause and reflect, is actually a gift from God. In this gift,is a reminder, of the good things in my life. With this gift, how could I ask for any better birthday present than that?

An Unexpected Card on an Unexpected Day?

I have a friend, author/lecturer John Cox who tells me there are 44 things you can do, that will change your life, for the better. So far he has only told me one of them: smile when you first get up in the morning. So now when I first awaken, I sit on the edge of my bed before putting on my slippers and I just sit for a moment and smile. It is such a nice feeling. Now I am finding myself even doing it, on occasion throughout the day. It must release some endorphins or something, because there is a nice calming effect that comes over me. It's peaceful.

This made me think of similar daily acts. I have a mission to enlist people to send a heartfelt, personal card a day. On average, a person will send about 10 cards per year. That's less than a card a month, on average. "Why would you send a card a day?" you might ask. Well, can you remember the times you've gone to the mail box, or in your office mail, and in amongst the clutter of bills, junk mail, and such, there was a greeting card from a friend? Think for a moment: how did that make you feel when you opened up the envelope and inside was a humorous, or touching note? I know I get a spark of excitement at the mailbox, when I see what appears to be a greeting card from a friend or relative. The anticipation grows as I go into my house to open up the card. I feel great knowing someone has taken the time to reach out to me, and has expressed something personal, something that two friends can share. This whole process of sending and receiving a card is a joyful experience. By sending a card, a person can feel the joy of brightening another's day, and building on their bonds of friendship. The philosophy is that you send out good, and the good returns to you. It's a wonderful "unselfish" way to feel good!

One of my favorite books is "You, Inc. The Art of Selling Yourself," by Harry and Christine Clfford Beckwith. Their advice is aimed primarily at business relationships, but I think this translates very well in personal relationships as well. They write about the unexpected card: "Millions of companies send their clients and valued business associates holiday cards. That's one reason you shouldn't. Instead, find special occasions throughout the year to write not twenty people, but just one at a time. Choose a time uniquely appropriate to the client. Birthdays are good, but a card that shows you know more about the person works much better. Try the day of their first child's birth, for example. or the day after their alma mater wins a big game.
The most vivid way to show someone that they matter is to take time. You do want them to notice. So, don't send expected messages at expected times. Send special highly personal ones at special times-times that are special to that person alone."
It's not just how you say thanks, but when and how well.

John, in his book "It's Only Earth," also talks about the value of friends, and how truly good friends add value to your quality of life. Think how those friendships, and business relationships will be 3 months, 6 months, a year from now, if you have reached out on a consistent basis and shared yourself with them, through the magic of a personal greeting card? As I share this with my friend John, maybe he will agree: there are 45 things you can do to change your life for the better.

5 Daily Goals to Reap Rewards: #5, Perseverance

Some years ago I was trying to start a new business from scratch. Most of the initial business plan had fallen through, and I was trying my best to work with Plan B, C, or even Plan Z. I had a product to sell, and I had customers to sell to, and I knew in my heart of hearts that the two together made perfect sense, for all three of us: the manufacturer, the customer, and me the agent. So, I continued to trod along week in and week out, trying to land this one large, particular customer.

One Friday evening, as I arrived back to my home office, after another positive meeting with my prized potential customer, I reported to my wife that "things were looking very good. We should know something by next Friday." (Keep in mind that this was about the 5th or 6th such report that I had given my wife, each on a Friday evening about this same time.) To which she shouted in my face: "Don't you get it, there is NO NEXT FRIDAY! You need to get out of this!"

All these years later, those words are still burned deeply into my memory. We were struggling financially because of the shifting business plan. We had no income on the horizon, most of our capital to get us started was running out, so she had every right to question my navigation of what seemed at the time like a cruise on the Titanic. But, I held steady and continued on.The next week, and for weeks thereafter I continued to call on that customer again and again. But, I also started spreading my efforts out into the market and reaching out to some smaller customers. Slowly but surely we began to add these smaller distributors, and our business started at last to become a profitable enterprise. And then one day, after we had created a decent presence in the market, that original, next Friday customer called me, with an order. The buyer asked no questions about pricing or terms. He just gave me a P.O. number with a large quantity of product.

The moral of the story? Stick with it; but maybe at some point reevaluate and adjust your strategy. Keep going forward, but if you run into a wall, adjust your approach. Maybe there is a door just to the left or right of the wall you keep walking into. But by all means, don't give up. If you are self employed, maybe you can create a tracking system to make you accountable for sales calls made, or phone calls, or appointments set. The company I represent now, has a great tool we call the Daily 8. It sets out particular tasks to do each day, and the tasks are assigned points. The goal is to get 8 points each day. Some days you may hit more, some days less. At the end of the week if you've hit 40 points you most likely will have your reward.

Maybe you are lucky enough to have a friend or a spouse who can support you and act as a sounding board when you think you are going crazy because no one in the world seems to see the value of your product the way you do. I am lucky to have both. I have a good friend who keeps me on track, and helps me sharpen my approach to selling my product and programs and he cares about my success. And my wife still wonders sometimes about next Friday, which still seems to be an issue on occasion after all these years. But she is a wonderful life partner who helps me stay centered and grounded.

Keep in mind: no one who ever achieved success, did not experience failure as well. It was not meant for this world to only enjoy success. So, the failure, or hard times you may now be experiencing are just preparation for you to truly enjoy the successful reward awaiting you, as long as you keep trying! Isn't that what life is all about, working through our failures, to reach our success, and then enjoying our reward.

5 Daily Goals to Reap Rewards: #4, Integrity

I read the other day in my local paper, a letter to the editor. This has become one of my favorite parts of the paper. I think you get a real sense of the wide spectrum of thought from the community by reading these letters. Anyway, I read one last week that has stuck with me. It was all about integrity.

A gentleman told the story of shopping at his local WalMart. After making his purchase at the automated check-out stand, he noticed there was a problem with his change. He was supposed to have received 3 dollar bills and some loose change. Instead, he received 3, five dollar bills and some loose change. When he realized the mistake that had been made, he went to the manager in charge of overseeing the machines. He followed the young person back to the machine; it was opened up, and they discovered that the wrong dollar denomination was put into the $1.00 slot. Therefore, five dollar bills had been dispensing, rather than one dollar bills, all day long!

It made me wonder: what a rare thing integrity is these days. It took one person, well into the afternoon to bring to the store's attention a very serious problem with the store's cash machine. How many folks walked out the doors, with 5 times more change than they were due? Maybe some didn't pay attention. Maybe that particular machine wasn't used that much that day. But maybe some people thought,"WalMart is a multi-billion dollar mega corporation, and they won't miss a few bucks," or, "I deserve this money because of the hard run of luck I've had lately," or worse, "I just don't care."

How many times a day do you have the opportunity to do the right thing, even though perhaps no one will know the difference? If you make integrity, one of your goals, one of your daily steps along your journey, people can't help but see you as different, as apart from the crowd, as special. You'll be someone who customers rely on to guide them through difficult times; you'll be someone in special relationship with them, in the good times and the bad. Your daily steps of integrity will create a large and faithful following, and a great reward on the journey.

5 Daily Goals to Reap Rewards: #3, Balance

"Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."

-Groucho Marx

Do you ever feel you need to resign from some of your obligations, clubs, committees, organizations, etc.? Sometimes do you feel like you are being pulled in too many directions, or maybe just too far in one direction? I think we all feel that way at one time or another. It’s only a problem, if you’re feeling that way more often than not. That’s when you need to reevaluate, and try to find your balance.

I had a friend some years ago, Don Jordan, a very successful restaurateur, currently retired, who introduced me to the three legs on a stool approach to life. You may have heard this before; think of a stool with three legs. If you put too much weight on one or two of the legs, you likely will tip over. If you don’t have all three legs firmly on the ground, you will also possibly tip over. And of course, a stool cannot properly function with less than three legs. Three legs, equally on the ground create a nice balance. The three legs for Mr. Jordan and me are Faith, Family, and Business. With these three aspects in life, balanced, life is good. Life is rewarding.

Whenever I look back over my life, I can see times when things seemed to have been much too difficult and chaotic. If I’m honest, I can also see where something at that time was out of balance. Maybe I was spending too much time and energy on one of the three legs. At other times, life was easy as can be. I think those times reflected a good combination of the 3 legs. I was in harmony with my Faith, family, and business. I was in balance.

I am a big believer in the Retreat experience. I try to do at least one weekend retreat a year. I believe time spent in quiet, away from the noise of the world, helps me to evaluate and recognize what is important in my life. It’s what helps me decide what is in balance, what is out of balance, and how to make adjustments. It is essential to make time for yourself, to listen to your inner spirit, and to listen to the heartbeat of your life. Do this often, daily if possible as you start your day. Make it a daily goal to be in balance with your world. Life is a long and wonderful journey; make it rewarding with all three legs of the stool on the ground.

5 Daily Goals to Reap Rewards: #2, Passion

Following along the thought that if we set our goals on the shorter term things, the daily things we do throughout the day, the steps rather than the marathon, to attain our reward; the second goal after gratitude: we need to act with passion. For what great feat was ever accomplished without passion?

I work for a truly fantastic company. I believe in the directors of the company. I believe in my manager. I believe in the mission of the company and I believe totally in the product. I believe in what the product can do for those who use it and for those who receive it. I've experienced the positive effects of using our product over and over again. As you can tell, I have passion for this company and product. However, in any sales effort, there will be discouragement. I get discouraged that sometimes I don't effectively present my product...(at least that must be the case when some people just "don't get it.") Sometimes I can doubt myself, but I do not doubt my product.

Do you have this kind of passion for your company, products and programs? If not, your customers won't see it either. You must do one of two things; you either have to reinvigorate yourself to the products you sell, and become a passionate believer in them, or you need to find another product or company.

If your company offers a large list of items, surely you can find something you can get excited about, and sell with passion. If not, look around at other opportunities. Right now, especially with the struggling economy, the network marketing industry is exploding with new growth. Network marketing can offer you an opportunity to start something new, with a usually minimal investment of time and money. In other words you can start part time, without a lot of money, and with time and effort grow your new business into something special, something long term, something your own, and something you can be passionate about. Don't settle for a mediocre career, filled with drudgery and blah! Set your sights on passionate strides, toward awe!