I Get by With a Little Help From My Friends

I’ve been reading this week, John Ortberg's book, “Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them.” Honestly, I bought the book a few years ago, simply because I loved the title so much when I first saw it at the bookstore. And then a few weeks ago while my wife was doing some spring cleaning it reappeared. It was in a stack of books destined for our local library for donatation, but I rescued it to my library. I picked it up again over the Memorial Day weekend. I had forgotten what a good read it was.

One of the parts I really enjoy is the story of the “Fellowship of the Mat.” In Mark’s Gospel there is the story of a paralyzed man who is brought by his friends to Jesus. “They came bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. Unable to get near Jesus because of the crowd, they opened up the roof above him. After they had broken through, they let down the mat on which the paralytic was lying.” –Mark 2:3-4

Can you imagine this scene, as Ortberg points out in his book? Jesus is teaching in someone’s house, and it is filled wall to wall and even overflowing to the street outside. The friends of the paralytic man have come on a mission to get their friend in front of Jesus; at first it seems impossible. But, one of them has the audacious idea of going up onto the roof, tearing a hole in the ceiling and lowering the man on his mat into the house in front of Jesus. These were some very determined friends! What is it that creates friendships like this? Maybe part of the answer is because the paralyzed man let them: He let them carry and care for him.

Ortberg writes: “It is a very vulnerable thing to have someone carry your mat. When somebody’s carrying your mat, they see you in your weakness. They might hurt you if they drop you.

There is this gift between these friends: trusting vulnerability and dependable faithfulness. This mat, which according to society should have created a great gulf between him and them, instead became an opportunity for servanthood and acceptance. This group becomes the Fellowship of the Mat. Wherever human beings love and accept and serve each other in the face of weakness and need, there is the Fellowship of the Mat.”

I was reminded by this story of friends helping friends of a time some years ago when we first moved into our present home. Shortly after we had moved in my wife had been admitted to the hospital for treatment of an MS flare up. We were new the neighborhood, but had lived in the same town for about 10 years. It was late summer and being at the hospital and doing work had kept me from getting to the yard work for a week or so. The lawn was getting kind of shaggy, but I just did not have the time to get to it.

One late evening during this time, I was stopping by the house to check the mail and pick up a few things before heading back to the hospital. I turned the corner and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. In the fading light of dusk, a lady in a black business suit and high heels was sweeping my sidewalk. And a man was finishing up mowing my lawn. I soon recognized the two people as our best friends, Jon and Denise. A new neighbor of mine told me a few days later that he thought I had some kind of weird, role playing lawn service. They had done such a great job though, he wondered if I could give him their contact info. I told him he probably couldn’t afford them because they were part of a priceless friendship.

However I still recognize one of the obstacles to this great and rich relationship builder for me and maybe many of us is a lack of humility. Isn’t it tough to let others, do for you? I know it is a constant challenge for me. I want to be the caretaker, the fixer. I want to be the consoler. I want to be the brilliant friend who came up with the idea of carrying the paralyzed man onto the roof top. I don’t want to be the one helpless, stranded and in need of help. I don’t want to break the cardinal rule of friendship, according to Seinfeld: “Can you take me to the airport?” And yet I am. I am in constant need of assistance. I am in constant need of prayer. I am just too proud to reveal this; too proud to ask for it, at least as often as I should.

As I continue on my life’s journey, I will try to remember that friendship is two-way relationship built on a mutual need of support and service. It is just as important to let others do for you as you do for them. And I will try to remember the verses from “The Servant Song”

“Let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too"

Peace to you and all your friends.